I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
