Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
