I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
