The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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