matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
