I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
