someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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