If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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