Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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