I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have fence marks all over my body
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
