He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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