My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
