Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
