How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
