my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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