we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
