It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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