cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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