how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
