His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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