do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
