I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
