What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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