Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this is an emotional support booty call
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
