I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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