doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
