my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
