I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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