I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I still have a little drunk in my system
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
