Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He passed out mid-signature
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
