He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
