I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
