I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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