ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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