i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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