and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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