WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
