I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
