I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
