So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
