Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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