I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
