Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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