So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
