you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im part way to drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
