so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
