he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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