My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
