porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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