he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
