hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
