she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize