i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
