Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found puke in my bra..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
