Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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