Slut skills are useful in every country.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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