my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
