just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
