i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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