How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
