I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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