Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
